Mudshot Eyes

“As I ‘roared by reason of the disquietness of my heart,’ all my lack was laid before you.”
- Augustine, from The Confessions of Augustine

When I think of the great saints of early church history, I rarely imagine a person who was perplexed with the meaning of life. The tendency is to assume that the great saints throughout time were spouting brilliant answers from the time they were kids. The life of Saint Augustine clashes with that stereotype.

Augustine committed his life to Christ after a long road of searching. Through the teachings of the Bishop of Milan, Ambrose, Augustine began to appreciate and understand Christianity, which led to his dramatic conversion in 386.

Before reaching this pivotal moment in his life, Augustine spent his younger years on sensual pleasures, while also developing a thirst for wisdom and truth. He dove into philosophy and an intense study of rhetoric, which sharpened his reasoning abilities. The one problem that continually disturbed him is also one that has plagued me ever since I began to think for myself: the problem of moral evil. Why would a good God allow evil into the good world he created?

Augustine’s willingness to dive head first into this difficult question has always inspired me to never turn from the things I can’t completely explain or understand. Along with the courage that I discovered through Augustine’s journey, I have also found faith. Consider these two passages from Confessions:

For if [God made me], how is it I will to do evil and bypass the good, and so earn punishment for myself? Who gave me this will? Who planted this seed of bitterness in me when all I am is what God made me, and he is Sweetness itself?

These questions are followed by more of the same, where he questions how evil could possibly exist if God is perfectly good and can prevent it. Then, without finding a definite answer that completely satisfied his questioning, he speaks of the role of faith in this philosophical struggle:

Yet in my heart I still clung to faith in Christ our Lord and Savior, as the church trained me to do. I was not clear on many points and was unsound on others, but my mind didn’t entirely let faith go; rather, I kept drinking in more and more day by day.**

This increasing consumption of faith has become my answer to the most vexing theological questions. There are plenty of philosophers who can offer an explanation for the problem of evil that falls just shy of satisfying the difficulty. However, my greatest need is not for explanation, even though there is some benefit to that attempt. My greatest need is to yield: to God’s embrace, to God’s wisdom, and to God’s sufficiency.

**I highly recommend reading Augustine’s Confessions, especially the out-of-print translation by Sherwood E. Writ from which the above quotes came. It’s very readable, and his use of language brings out a very personal feel that was probably obvious to the original readers in Latin. Here’s a link to a used copy I found on at Amazon.

“We’ve become too polite. We don’t laugh and cry with God. We’ve forgotten the excitement of the Good News. What greater sign of the extraordinary, lavish, marvelous love of God than the incarnation! God so loved the world and all of us in it that God himself came to live with us as one of us! Is it so good that we’re afraid to believe it?”

- Madeleine L’Engle from Penguins and Golden Calves

May you celebrate the lavish gift that is Christ the Savior.

Merry Christmas to you and your family.

“It’s the most wonderful time of the year…”

In spite of the song sung every Christmas season about how wonderful Christmas is, I have mixed feelings. One one hand, I enjoy the nostalgic feelings that come along with all the decor, the food, and the music. It reminds me of the oblivious days of childhood, when every harsh reality could be easily kept at bay by playing in the dirt and pretending that I was one of the Dukes of Hazzard.

On the other hand, I am quickly annoyed by the forced cheerfulness that is sometimes a part of the holiday season. Earlier this week, I was quizzed as to why I wasn’t in a better mood. “It’s Christmas, after all!” It was topped off with a comment from one co-worker to another that Christmas “is a time when we are supposed to be cheerful.” This comment only further entrenched my Grinch-likeness.

What bothered me about that? Were they right? Should I put aside any feelings of angst, just for the sake of “holiday cheer?”

“Don’t Worry, Be Happy” is the mantra for these happily-going-lucky types, but there’s something there that doesn’t feel much like real life to me. We sometimes carry heavy burdens, regardless of how close we are to Christmas, and those burdens don’t go away just because we try real hard to get in the spirit.

Christmas is about one thing only: becoming receptive to a God who has come to us through the humble, messy trappings of humanity. We can be in an interactive, life-transforming relationship with God precisely because his invitation did not come with a requirement that we “cheer up” before we come to him.

So be a Scrooge at Christmas if that’s all you have to offer, but do so with the knowledge that Jesus welcomes you to friendship with God, whether you are the Grinch, Cousin Eddie, or the Happy Little Elf.

An acquaintance of mine recently made a decision to shift his whole way of looking at Christmas. He decided that it was foolish to spend $500 on trinkets, socks, and CDs as gifts for friends and family who needed no such things. Instead, he is taking the money he would have spent on these gifts and giving to Blood:Water Mission.

For each person on his Christmas list, he is giving a donation to B:WM in their name. He is informing each person–probably with a message in a Christmas card–that their name is on a gift that has been sent to another continent. This gift will help “to build clean wells in Africa, to support medical facilities caring for the sick, to make a lasting impact in the fight against poverty, injustice and oppression in Africa through the linking of needs, talents and continents, of people and resources” (from B:WM’s web site).

Great idea, huh? Apparently not. Some members of his family have, in Grinch-like spirit, expressed their displeasure over his decision. They are upset about being “forced to support an organization they know nothing about.”

This kind of thinking drives me nuts. First, my friend never required anyone else to do the same for him , nor did he say that everyone else is morally required to do this just because he is.

Second, he didn’t choose a controversial political organization to support in this endeavor. B:WM is an organization that is providing clean drinking water for people that are dying because they drink bacteria-laden water EVERY DAY. If we saw the water they were drinking, we wouldn’t even suffer a sip. They also minister to the lepers of our day: AIDS patients.

What could he possibly give that would be more meaningful? He’s not making a statement about who to vote for, how to think, or what to buy. He is helping people who are desperate in their need, and putting his family member’s names on the donation.

In other words, he is toppling the Christmas apple cart and giving fruit to the poor.

For many of us, it’s too late for this year, but I wonder what Christmas would look like if we cut our gift-giving budget in half and gave the other half to an organization that is making a difference in the world in the name of Christ.

If you try it, you may upset some people who enjoy the status quo. Won’t that be fun?

christmas

I began training last week for another half-marathon (last year’s full marathon was special, but I’m going to keep it sane this year). As I laid out my training schedule, I’m trying to carve 20 minutes off of my best time. This will require a level of discipline that I’ve not achieved in my running experience.

I have experienced both extremes of discipline: the lack of it, and the overkill.

If I lack discipline in a particular area, it is usually because I have lost sight of what originally drove me to set a goal. Or worse yet, I may have never actually set my direction in one way or another, trying something out because someone else talked me into it. This usually results in having no routine, no purposeful planning, and no results.

When I am stuck at that point, my only recourse is to revisit the reasons and motives for my aspirations: Is this my dream? Or someone else’s? Do I own this goal? Should I own it? Is it worth what I’m giving?

If I am experiencing a struggle with laziness, or a lack of discipline, I ask these kinds of questions. I can only be passionate about a goal if I have taken ownership of it.

Once I take my pursuit personally, I may work so hard at it that I fall to the other extreme: turning a good ambition into a life-draining obsession.

Again, a prayerful search through the motives and desires of my heart usually will restore balance: Have I tied up my value and worth as a person somehow with this goal? Am I pouring an unbalanced amount of focus into this goal because I’m avoiding some other issues that need my direct attention?

Setting a goal to run a half-marathon is a good thing, as long as it is a part of an higher calling to care for my body as God’s temple. Doing it only because someone else wants me to, or because I can’t feel good about who I am without it, will leave me lacking the motivation and the meaning for my ambition.

In the same sense, a goal to read through the Bible in a year or practice daily prayer is a fine thing, as long as I don’t elevate that goal over its purpose: to know God. Setting goals of any kind is a good thing, if they are tied God’s purposes for my life.

In marathon training and in the journey with Christ, my pursuit must be an expression of what is inside. Otherwise I run aimlessly, disqualifying myself from the reward of the finish (1 Corinthians 9:26).

Here’s to the pursuit…

When Krista and I heard that certain Christian groups were boycotting The Golden Compass, it made us want to go see it. But after reading more about it, there is room for caution. If you are planning on going to see the movie, which is based on the first book in a trilogy of novels written by British author Philip Pullman, keep in mind that the studio filtered out his religious views from the movie. The books are much more blatant in their allegorical presentation of his atheism.

I don’t skip movies because the authors, the directors or the actors don’t believe in God. If I made decisions on where to go and what to do based on that criteria, then I would have to lock myself in my home. However, my main reason for skipping The Golden Compass is his disregard for the accomplishments of great authors like Tolkien and C. S. Lewis who have paved the way for him in this genre.

He has commented that the Chronicles of Narnia is “morally loathsome,” and “one of the most ugly and poisonous things I’ve ever read.” He has also referred to The Lord of the Rings as an “infantile work.”

I refuse to give the guy a dime for his movie or novels. I don’t know if Pullman has actually read these two great works, but his comments reveal an ignorance and arrogance beyond what I would expect from an accomplished author who has found his success in part due to the foundation laid by LOTR and Narnia.

Philip Pullman can keep his Compass.