Mudshot Eyes

Do you ever have trouble asking for help?  I assume that it probably has something to do with my strong sense of independence, but that’s always been a struggle for me.  Independence is great when you are talking about freedom from an oppressive regime that taxed us out the wazoo 200 years ago, but when it comes to how I live my life as a Christ-follower, it’s value is limited.

Krista and I were talking to a close friend last night who shared that he also has a difficult time asking others to help him.  As we narrowed down the reasons, it came to pride and the desire not to let others see our weaknesses or our needs.

The problem with that perspective is that our sense of need is the defining characteristic in a Christian’s life.  No one becomes a follower of Christ without first recognizing that they need Him.  And once someone starts the journey with Christ, the degree to which they are aware of their need is the degree to which they will follow Him.

A “pull-up-your-bootstraps-and-do-it-yourself” approach only leads to emptiness and a longing for personal recognition (which can never be enough).

When we realize the limits of the resources within ourselves and the vastness of the resources that God offers us through relationship with Him, the pressure is suddenly off as we no longer have to defend ourselves and our abilities.  Instead, we come clean about how needy we are and discover that God has invited us to come to Him with our asking, seeking, and knocking.*

Jesus illustrates God’s joy in giving good things to his sons and daughters in Matthew 7:11:

“If you then, being evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father who is in heaven give what is good to those who ask Him!”

Perhaps this Independence Day could also be a day to recognize the value of a life lived in dependence on an enormously capable and loving God.

*Matthew 7:7

(Thanks to Reddish for the “in dependence” idea.)

“No one else can paint your portrait from an unobstructed view.”
- J.J. Heller, singer and songwriter

You will never come in contact with anyone who will completely accept you and approve of everything you do. This universal truth seems simple enough, but there is an inner drive within each of us to be accepted by other people and to have them approve of our actions.

A few months ago, I was given the opportunity to share with a person I’ll refer to as “Tom.” I have a lot of respect for Tom, so I mentioned an idea that I was thinking of pursuing, which I thought would be well-aligned with my gifts and strengths. I don’t believe that he meant any harm by his response, but he basically said that I shouldn’t expect much to come from it and that I should not quit my day job.

Picture a balloon losing its air through a poorly tied knot; that was me at that moment.

His intent was probably to help me stay grounded in reality, since I tend to be a dreamer, so to some extent I can understand his comments. However, what I had hoped to hear was the applause of approval from him, saying that I should go for it and that I had what it took to do it.

Every one of us has been in a situation where we were disappointed after sharing an idea or a lifestyle choice with someone we respect, and hearing less than the applause we had hoped for. This doesn’t mean that we never seek advice from others, especially those who have had more years of experience, but there is a vast difference between seeking advice, and seeking approval.

The real issue for me regarding my conversation with Tom was not his comments but how much stock I had put in them. I gave them more value than they were worth. Tom does not have all the the information needed to see my life with an “unobstructed view.” Only God can do that, so it is important that I don’t give divine-like significance to anyone else’s opinion, no matter how good of a person they are.

Does this mean that God won’t use others to speak to us about where he is leading us? Certainly not. But it does mean that we need to know the essential difference between the voice of God, who already approves of us in Christ, and the applause of other people, who can mislead even with the best of intentions.

Our pastor preached a message on the first 12 verses of 2 Thessalonians this morning, but I couldn’t get past verse 3.

We ought always to give thanks to God for you, brothers, as is right, because your faith is growing abundantly…

The phrase that keeps jumping out at me is that their faith was “growing abundantly.” Beyond being a nice, Bible-worthy phrase, what did this tell us about these people?

It may mean that they were counting on God for more and more. There was a growing understanding that God was active and responsive to their needs. They were also increasingly aware that God would infuse their lives with purpose and that he would be the author and initiator of all kinds of good when they participate with his purposes.

I’m thinking through whether or not my faith has had this kind of steady increase lately. If God leads us to take a huge step in a different direction than we are currently headed, would I be ready? Fortunately, God typically asks us to count on him for one step at a time. So a journey of faith consists of many smaller faith-acts along the way.

In that case, could it be that God sometimes keeps the final destination unclear so that our faith can grow with each step?

Sounds like something God would do.

The New Year celebration is my favorite time of year. I love the feeling of a fresh start and the excitement of reaching for new or resurrected goals. However, before moving on to 2008, I want to take inventory of the kind of year 2007 has been.

Looking back isn’t something you want to do too much of, but an honest look can reveal how much good we have enjoyed. Our tendency is either to view the past without recognizing the good things (”Nothing ever goes right for me”), or to glorify the past, as if things were always better in “the good ol’ days.” Neither of those extremes apply to real life.

I’ve tried to take a careful look at the past year and have settled on a few events that I want to highlight. The following awards are for the biggest personal events of 2007 (this will make the most sense to those of you who know Krista and me).

Most Poignant Award:
Our 1 Year Wedding Anniversary. I reveled in our celebration of one year of marriage. April 8 will always be a powerful icon of God’s redemption for me. I am married to my best friend and I love being with her.

The Improbable Award:
The Country Music Marathon. Crossing the finish line after 26.2 miles and 5 hours was an improbable dream for me before that moment. I don’t think I could have finished without Krista’s strong support and the support of my family and friends. The memory of finishing the marathon continues to be a source of encouragement in my pursuit of other goals.

Best Trip of 2007:
Napa Valley and Sonoma, CA with the LoCurtos. It was a magical week of relaxing, wine tasting, laughing, and learning. If we could go back with them tomorrow we would.

Mixed Blessing Award:
The Alexes Move to Estonia. Brian and Renee followed God’s lead to the country of Estonia to serve and pastor two churches in Kuressaare. We miss them greatly, but it has strengthened my faith more than I could measure as I’ve watched them receive God’s redemptive work in their marriage and then follow him into the unknown. (Click here if you would like to find out how to support their missionary work. Even a small amount can be a huge help!)

Curveball of the Year Award:
My sister Laura gets married in Las Vegas. The curveball here is not that Laura got married, but that she did so in Las Vegas! Another reminder that we Barmers don’t do status quo. We are very happy for her and are praying that she and Sean would experience God’s best for their new marriage.

Forging Friendships Award:
The Village Chapel. Whether it be the openness of our worship services, the comprehensive teaching of the Bible, our small group, or our new friends Aaron and Abigail Chen, we have much reason to be glad that God has led us to The Village Chapel.

Most Astounding Moment of 2007:
Krista shooting an MP5 submachine gun at our handgun class. “Is that my wife shooting that machine gun?” The answer was “yes,” but I had no way to classify what I was seeing. Watching Krista fire 10 rapid-fire shots into a helpless target could only be described with one word: astounding.

I may post my 2008 goals tomorrow, on New Year’s Day, but that would mean I’ll be held accountable by some of you, so I am hesitating.

Happy New Year!

You may have been to one before: a men’s retreat. They exist only for one purpose and that is to make sure we never attend another one.

That’s what I thought, anyway. My church recently claimed that theirs was a men’s retreat for men who didn’t like men’s retreats. They had my number. I’ve never actually been to a men’s retreat, but my experience had me convinced that these were for high-end extroverts and the cheer-led crowd. I have been to a couple of Promise Maker rallies, where we are encouraged to commit to something besides football, beer, and sex. These rallies are usually highly motivational, full of chants and cheers, and peppered with big name speakers. Personally, I appreciated about 20% of the two Promise Keeper events I attended. I figured a men’s retreat would be about the same.

I have to admit that I was wrong on this one. It didn’t carry the kind of life-changing impact that a visit with the apostle Paul might produce, but from the start it was unassuming and humble. The message I got from the beginning was that we were there to hear from God and his Word by taking time to listen on our own, with the group and in worship. I was glad for the intentional times of retreat-within-the-retreat which allowed me to turn off the noise and listen. This is one aspect of our church which I am grateful for. When we show up for Sunday mornings, a retreat, or any other gathering, I know that we won’t be bombarded with noise, heavy church marketing, or flashy presentations.

Christian events are often planned with non-stop activity, with no time and space for quiet and solitude. I spent four days this past week at the Catalyst Conference in Atlanta, GA. Catalyst is one of the leading training and motivational events for leaders in their 20s and 30s.

The event was full of top notch speakers, powerful videos, and lighthearted fun. I realize that an event of this size would probably not attract as many participants with this approach, but I still wonder what it would look like to send 10,000 leaders into an extended time of quiet for reflection and prayer. This may or may not be a good idea for an event of this size, but I can’t help but think that we emphasize noise over quiet in many of our gatherings.

Why can’t the church take five minutes in a service for some intentional quiet? Are we competing for the short attention spans of people who are conditioned to a noise-saturated culture? Are we afraid that people won’t have anything to pray about and think about if we are not talking or singing into the microphones?

Consider how a Sunday morning would feel if we took five minutes out of seventy to simply be still, without any music or talking. It would probably feel awkward at first, but that kind of environment would eventually give our ears and our souls the space we need for listening to One worth hearing.

I used to wrestle with a friend of mine in junior high and the first part of high school, and made a habit of having my butt kicked early and often. Early on in our duels, I was about as feisty as I was unskilled, which led to some interesting wrestling matches. The object was always to be the first to force the other to say “uncle.” Typically we would get to this point using a headlock, squeezing to the point where our eyes began to feel like they were going to pop out of our skulls. I rarely won the contests, but as time went on, I learned to endure more and more, which made it increasingly difficult to get me to say “uncle” and give up.

One afternoon I was under the grip of a headlock that usually led to my defeat. On that day, my determination was on full crank. He squeezed until my face turned blue, then finally my nose began to bleed down to his arm, probably the result of a popped blood vessel. In his shock from the sight of blood, he released my neck and I immediately jumped up exclaiming my “victory.”

Of course, I didn’t really win that match, but I certainly didn’t lose. Jacob of the Bible had a similar experience in Genesis 32 when he went to the mat with an God in the middle of the night. The story says that they wrestled until God had to put Jacob’s hip out of socket in order to subdue him.

The good part comes next, as Jacob refuses to let go, even with a dislocated hip. “I will not let you go unless you bless me,” he says. God changed Jacob’s name that night to “Israel,” which means God-Grappler.

God has established a clear pattern of initiating encounters with his people. Jacob’s wrestling match is one example that is not unlike the many times he has done this in our own lives.

God engages us in close combat because He wants us to know that relationship with him is not as easy as putting a coin in the candy machine. To know God is to struggle with him in the difficulties of life. To hear from him and be near to him doesn’t always mean that we sing nice, sweet Christian songs all the time.

Sometimes we are perplexed by His actions, and we question him like Job, David, Jonah, Jeremiah, Peter, Martha and others did in the Bible. To question God and wrestle with him means that we are interacting with him, which results in radical life change. You don’t come away from interaction with God without transformation.

Anyone else in favor of a name change?