Mudshot Eyes

“No one else can paint your portrait from an unobstructed view.”
- J.J. Heller, singer and songwriter

You will never come in contact with anyone who will completely accept you and approve of everything you do. This universal truth seems simple enough, but there is an inner drive within each of us to be accepted by other people and to have them approve of our actions.

A few months ago, I was given the opportunity to share with a person I’ll refer to as “Tom.” I have a lot of respect for Tom, so I mentioned an idea that I was thinking of pursuing, which I thought would be well-aligned with my gifts and strengths. I don’t believe that he meant any harm by his response, but he basically said that I shouldn’t expect much to come from it and that I should not quit my day job.

Picture a balloon losing its air through a poorly tied knot; that was me at that moment.

His intent was probably to help me stay grounded in reality, since I tend to be a dreamer, so to some extent I can understand his comments. However, what I had hoped to hear was the applause of approval from him, saying that I should go for it and that I had what it took to do it.

Every one of us has been in a situation where we were disappointed after sharing an idea or a lifestyle choice with someone we respect, and hearing less than the applause we had hoped for. This doesn’t mean that we never seek advice from others, especially those who have had more years of experience, but there is a vast difference between seeking advice, and seeking approval.

The real issue for me regarding my conversation with Tom was not his comments but how much stock I had put in them. I gave them more value than they were worth. Tom does not have all the the information needed to see my life with an “unobstructed view.” Only God can do that, so it is important that I don’t give divine-like significance to anyone else’s opinion, no matter how good of a person they are.

Does this mean that God won’t use others to speak to us about where he is leading us? Certainly not. But it does mean that we need to know the essential difference between the voice of God, who already approves of us in Christ, and the applause of other people, who can mislead even with the best of intentions.

The New Year celebration is my favorite time of year. I love the feeling of a fresh start and the excitement of reaching for new or resurrected goals. However, before moving on to 2008, I want to take inventory of the kind of year 2007 has been.

Looking back isn’t something you want to do too much of, but an honest look can reveal how much good we have enjoyed. Our tendency is either to view the past without recognizing the good things (”Nothing ever goes right for me”), or to glorify the past, as if things were always better in “the good ol’ days.” Neither of those extremes apply to real life.

I’ve tried to take a careful look at the past year and have settled on a few events that I want to highlight. The following awards are for the biggest personal events of 2007 (this will make the most sense to those of you who know Krista and me).

Most Poignant Award:
Our 1 Year Wedding Anniversary. I reveled in our celebration of one year of marriage. April 8 will always be a powerful icon of God’s redemption for me. I am married to my best friend and I love being with her.

The Improbable Award:
The Country Music Marathon. Crossing the finish line after 26.2 miles and 5 hours was an improbable dream for me before that moment. I don’t think I could have finished without Krista’s strong support and the support of my family and friends. The memory of finishing the marathon continues to be a source of encouragement in my pursuit of other goals.

Best Trip of 2007:
Napa Valley and Sonoma, CA with the LoCurtos. It was a magical week of relaxing, wine tasting, laughing, and learning. If we could go back with them tomorrow we would.

Mixed Blessing Award:
The Alexes Move to Estonia. Brian and Renee followed God’s lead to the country of Estonia to serve and pastor two churches in Kuressaare. We miss them greatly, but it has strengthened my faith more than I could measure as I’ve watched them receive God’s redemptive work in their marriage and then follow him into the unknown. (Click here if you would like to find out how to support their missionary work. Even a small amount can be a huge help!)

Curveball of the Year Award:
My sister Laura gets married in Las Vegas. The curveball here is not that Laura got married, but that she did so in Las Vegas! Another reminder that we Barmers don’t do status quo. We are very happy for her and are praying that she and Sean would experience God’s best for their new marriage.

Forging Friendships Award:
The Village Chapel. Whether it be the openness of our worship services, the comprehensive teaching of the Bible, our small group, or our new friends Aaron and Abigail Chen, we have much reason to be glad that God has led us to The Village Chapel.

Most Astounding Moment of 2007:
Krista shooting an MP5 submachine gun at our handgun class. “Is that my wife shooting that machine gun?” The answer was “yes,” but I had no way to classify what I was seeing. Watching Krista fire 10 rapid-fire shots into a helpless target could only be described with one word: astounding.

I may post my 2008 goals tomorrow, on New Year’s Day, but that would mean I’ll be held accountable by some of you, so I am hesitating.

Happy New Year!

Krista’s post from Tuesday is terrific. Check it out HERE. I’m highly biased, but I think it is a great piece.

I took a stand today. I finally stood up to the grocery store line bullies who prowl the city, intimidating those of us who simply ask for a little space when we are finishing our transaction.

I was in line at Wild Oats paying for my groceries when I sensed that the person in line after me was getting a little too close. He was a little taller and bigger than me, but not in the athletic sense. He was also older than me, with the look of a burned-out desk job junkie. I’ve had this happen many times in line to pay a cashier, but this guy was climbing into my pocket. That unspoken personal space zone had been crossed without hesitation.

At first, I couldn’t tell if he was just dense and had no social skills, or if he was trying to hurry me along by standing right next to me as I swiped my debit card. Something about his posture told me that he knew what he was doing. He had coupons in his right hand and with that hand he leaned slightly toward me while still facing the cashier. It was a non-verbal message: “I’m in a hurry and you are not moving fast enough.”

I suppose that this is a frequent habit for this guy. And most people probably just rush off, flustered by his lack of courtesy, like I would normally do. But something clicked in me and I decided to do the unthinkable. I turned, looked directly at him, and spoke.

“You are in my space bubble, bro.”

I called him “bro.” Suddenly, the beast no longer seemed like such a bully. The look on his face was priceless as he reached deep down into his cognitive mush for the only sound he could think to make: “Huh?”

This time I enunciated just to be sure he got it. “You are in - my - space - bubble, bro.”

At that moment the cashier handed me the receipt, holding back his laughter as best he could. He knew he had witnessed history. Someone had stood up to the grocery store line bully! Without waiting for a response, I grabbed my bag of organically grown broccoli and antibiotic-free chicken, and walked out the door. I had just re-written the rules of engagement for the everyman.